A Clean Slate

I have to say, it has been forever since my last post. Why? Well, in between the various little household stresses like weekly blackouts that leave us stumbling around the dark, dishwashers breaking, sick child, I somehow did not find one ounce of energy to sit down and type something out.

I plan to add a few this week, and this is my first one.

All I can say is, thank God for the new year. Like a clean fresh blanket of snow, or a fresh chalkboard, it waits with promise and hope of a better tomorrow.

2008 was, to put it very mildly, not a good year. The worst loss we suffered personally was a miscarriage, which is so common and yet so painful to go through.

For a good part of the year after this, I felt stuck in a rut, like a hamster on a wheel, not knowing how to move forward again.

I found writing, reading, reconnecting with old friends, and meeting new ones, were all helpful tools to get over my " massive slump of 2008."

Now, to add to this slump, I used my old standby comfort...I learned this trick teaching, when one day I was almost poisoned with Drano in my coffee cup. While I caught this before my insides were charred, I got home and had a few cookies and felt better...and there lies the extra poundage that comes and goes on my frame.

Sometimes I am quite slim and healthy, sometimes I struggle with an extra 10-15 pounds, and it is completely dependent on emotion. Right now, I am taking off the slump of 2008 weight gain.

So, for 2009, I am resolving to stop emotionally eating once and for all, and use other methods to help me through the tough times. One of these will be writing here.


Happy 2009, and enjoy the clean slate.

Mom and the City

The Monster in the closet - GUILT

Hi fellow moms (and dads),

A few nights ago I was at a meeting for Social Committee for my son's preschool. A few of the moms stayed home, while others chose to go to work. My stay at home friend "C" and I often discuss how we feel put down at times for our choice. Many times, people will turn away at parties, or persist that you must do something, aren't you bored? Yeah right, try it for a week!

What surprised me more, I guess I have to admit because I haven't fully put myself into the shoes of the working mom, was the guilt the working moms felt for really desiring to go to work and loving their job. One expressed that she felt she should feel like staying home, but didn't have that desire.

Where has this choice between going to work and staying home gotten us all? Why is it a battleground, and not a sisterhood that supports a great choice? Why can't we say to each other "Good for you, great choice to contribute with your work, what a good example you will set," or "Wow, you made some good economical choices to be able to stay home with your son?"

Then there is the third group, who fall into the category of desperately feeling that desire to stay home but feeling unable to do so, due to financial circumstance. I cannot make any argument for the fact that in a single parent household, most likely said parent will have to work. In a dual parent household, if there is some planning done ahead of time to assume one parent may eventually stay home, it is quite doable.


There is of course also the group of stay at home moms who want to stretch their lifestyle beyond a one income budget. Change is inevitable if down to one income, and has to be accepted. One possibility might be to look into working from home, or becoming a home caregiver, if it seems the material sacrifice is too great.

My husband and I knew prior to having Jack that we believed in one parent staying home, at least for the first five years. We made choices leading up to his birth that allowed us to save for the one income situation that we had chosen. As such, we were actually able to move from an attached home to a single, and purchase a new car, all on one income just with our preplanned savings for several years.

We make sacrifices all the time, but mainly in areas that are not very important to us.We never eat in fancy restaurants, unless we have to for a special occasion. We don't go to movies anymore, which we used to do all the time. On date days we go for coffees, to a less expensive place to eat, and frequently on walks.

We try to find our entertainment in cheaper ways. Family also very kindly often give us gift certificates for our birthdays or anniversary which we can use on dates.

We don't shop at expensive clothing stores, go to the library for books and Cd's, and I plan inexpensive meals. We were given a museum membership by my parents, which is a wonderful outing for Jack. We have lots of fun finding new things to do together as a family on weekend outings.

There is the odd day when I may stare wistfully at a coat or a pair of shoes and think of the working days when I would have bought those, but for me they are not equal to the hours of fun with my son.

But that does not mean everyone should feel like me, or feel guilt for not feeling that way.

Get rid of that monster and make the right choice for you, not for anyone else.

I got rid of mine.

Mom and the City

Funny story

A lot of people I know are trying to have a baby lately, and it reminded me of one of the funniest things a student has ever said to me in class. A 6 year old girl, when we were discusisng temperature, said she liked it when temperature went up. Why?

"When my mommy's temperature goes up I get to watch all my favourtie movies for a really long time!"


That one really got me laughing. Hope it makes you laugh too!

Halloween Madness

Well,

Halloween is all done, many mini coffee crisps and one pair of tight jeans later! Why do I always feel compelled to buy the kind of chocolate I like, when kids are probably fine getting another kind? It is a question I ask myself every year around this time.

Our Halloween started off with an adventure at our local mall, Place D'Orleans. They have a trick or treat around the mall with a map. They were expecting 100 kids and got closer to 350..it was chaotic and some of the retailers were snappy and rude. Some were very nice, and gave out good treats. Jack was dressed as a railroad engineer, and his costume was a big hit. I found, in my search to find a costume, that the selection for boys' outfits was very limited in the sea of tutus and lace. Maybe I'm wrong, but this is what I saw everywhere. The engineer costume was economical. I bought a pair of 2nd hand overalls, used a train costume he got as a gift from his aunt, and it ended up costing all of five dollars. The pumpkin, as well, was a good buy at the little known but great grocery store Price Chopper on Youville Drive in Orleans. Two dollars for a nice pumpkin!

The trick or treating at night was fun, although we took the naive and innocent approach:leaving full bowls of candy out with a note - please leave some for the next treater. They were empty!

Jack was treated to some amazing goodies, some houses were giving out full size bars and pop cans. Most parents grabbed the pop from what I could see.

The next day we had our annual party at City Dad's work. I went as a 40's jazz singer, City Dad went as Beaker the Muppet, an inside work joke. It is an amazing party, always fun, and crazy amounts of effort go into the decorating, complete with a Hitchcock Bird themed washroom, mechanical bats that swoop down when you hit a light, dried ice dance floor.

It is fun to let loose and enjoy no worries and have a date night out. That was our treat!

Happy Halloween,
Mom and the City

Make a Smilebox greeting

Toddler Groupies!

The lights dim, the roar of the crowd grows as everyone waits to see the band come out...

the fans wave their light sticks, proudly display their concert T-shirts, and throw flowers.

Sounds like any concert, but this is a concert for toddlers.

The Wiggles!

We just got back from our first toddler concert experience. It was pretty hilarious. And quite the business. Roses are sold at the souvenir shop, which are promptly handed back in to Dorothy the Dinosaur. Shirts, Cd's, and DVDs were flying off the shelves.

We, as you will learn if you follow my blog, are pretty frugal and try not to be excessive consumers. I won the tickets on a morning TV show and we opted to not purchase anything at the concert, just enjoy the show.

It was a really fun show for kids, complete with castle set, clowns, all of the mascots, and audience interaction galore.

My only negative comment would be why have this show at 1:30, when the audience is largely made up of 2 and 3 year olds who are overtired? Have it at 10 a.m.! Jack was fine until 2:30, then hit a wall and basically laid down for the next 4 songs but did perk up for the big finale.

All in all, the look on his face and the dance moves he came up with were priceless, and well worth the trip out to see the band, and the ringing in my ears, and the tylenol from my migraine, and the bruise on my back from being kicked by the twins behind me...

Rock on Wiggles!

Mom and the City

Traditions

Last night City Dad, Jack and I had the inaugural night of our " Friday movie night" tradition. We ordered pizza, Jack got in his pj's early, and we watched Polar Express, which Jack absolutely loved, being a train fanatic. We lit a fire, chatted about the day, and relaxed. It seems, to us, to make sense as a way to wind down the week, and Jack is already looking forward to our next movie night, in 2 weeks since Halloween is this coming week.

It made me think about the other traditions we have already started in our family, and about the ones we both had as kids. The repeated routine of the same fun activity with your family seems to be key in memories, and in establishing values, and close family ties.

We have, for instance, started another tradition that the Saturday before Christmas Eve we have both sets of grandparents over for a Christmas get together. We go out to a restaurant, come back for dessert, and Jack gets Christmas Eve gifts of pj's and books. All of our family lives in Ottawa, and we are close; however, Jack does not see both sets together that often, and he enjoys seeing them all together.

In my family, growing up, we had a Friday night movie night, which was a great break and always cause for discussion. As we got older, I swear sometimes it took hours to decide which movies to rent, since my brother is the world's most detailed movie critic. I look back on these times and am thankful.

City Dad's family had a tradition of going camping in a trailer every Summer on long road adventures. When he and his family get together, they always have funny stories about driving the trailer down Yonge Street in Toronto, or celebrating a birthday on the road. We hope to start camping this summer with Jack.

Carrying on, in your own way, traditions from the past, is a way to continue your family's unique heritage.

What are some other traditions people have? I would love to hear some other family's ideas.

Until next time,

Mom and the City

Naptime

Jack at 2 months old, " a bundle of cute"

Here I am, squeezing in a cup of steaming coffee and typing as quietly as I can so as not to disturb the precious moments of time I already feel slipping away.

Aaah, the joy of naptime.

The army of moms who stay home know what I'm talking about.

Nothing feels quite as good as those first five minutes after my son Jack settles into his Thomas the Train bed for a few hours.

Of course, it is a Russian roulette as to how long the rest of the nap might be - which makes the time all the more treasured. Will it be a 40 minute day, or a 3 hour dream trip?

The gentle buzz of the monitor stays silent as I take another sip of coffee, and truly count myself blessed for this time. It is one time every day when I don't envy the working moms (which I believe every mom does, at least once in a while) their adult lunches and even thier quiet or not so quiet commute.

When I hear the bellow, "Mommy - too long. I'm up, Jack is UP!" I am rejuvenated and ready to face the rest of the day, whatever it brings.

I can proudly say I try not to do a whole lot of chores during naptime. It is my time, to enjoy and do with as I please.

Jack's nap is getting shorter and shorter as he gets older, and I can foresee a day in the not too distant future where I will look back on naptime (at least with Jack) as a distant memory.

For any moms reading this who feel the need to rush around during naptime, as I did at first, stop, and realize that the break will make you a less harried, calmer mom. Who really cares if there are crumbs on the table a few hours longer? Do the front of the cupboards demand attention this second?

I say, naptime is:

• a break from all the questions
• time to call another adult
• time to indulge a hobby, be it writing, cooking, or making jewellery, like my super chic mom, known in this blog as Grandma L
• time to read a book that makes you feel grounded in the outside world again, rather than a world of Wiggles and Backyardigans

Maybe it's time to read this blog, and if so, thank you. This is my first attempt at blogging, and I am really enjoying getting my thoughts out there.

And there it is, the bellow of the toddler...

Until next nap,

Mom and the City